Today our church hosted it’s second SOS Sunday (service
outside the sanctuary), where we spend most of our normal worship times serving
others through many different avenues. Before we head out to serve we do have a
short worship service with a quick message from our minister and today’s
message really spoke to me. He made it a point to say several times that today I
may be the only Bible a person will read. This really hit me hard was I truly
living like a walking talking Bible, I mean most know that I attend church weekly
and have a strong relationship with the Lord but am I showing what it truly
means to be a Christian. Honestly Probably NOT.
As I sat there in that pew truly hearing what he was saying I
made a vow to myself that I was going to change that. I may not be better every
day but I was making this a priority starting today. And this week I would make
this a focus as well. He closed his message and we headed out to do our work. I
am in charge of the freezer meal portion of this day we successfully sent out
many meals to several elderly individuals in our church. Meals that I pray will
make their lives a little easier. Once the work was done the hubs helped me
load everything up I needed to take home and he headed out to work on a mower
while I headed to Walmart. I truly felt refreshed and refocused on living my
life a little better.
Then life happened. I had a nice afternoon with the kids,
cleaned, played, cleaned, did a little cooking for dinner with my in-laws,
cleaned, baked with Charlot. It was nice. The hubs came home earlier than I had
expected him, always a good thing, to start the grill for supper. He then tells
me that he needs to run out and check the cows, I feel myself getting frustrated
with him. He heads out to check and it takes much longer than I anticipated (he
as well I’m sure), the sides I have prepared are waiting, the kids are getting
hungry/fussy, I getting frustrated, supper is much later than we normally eat.
By this point I can feel myself getting cold and short with the hubs. After supper
is cleaned up, bathes are given, bedtime has happened, both kids are in bed. I
am just down right unhappy. He and I both sit down for basically the first time
all night it’s late we are both tired. He asks if I am ok and I just unload all
the questions about why he was late, why he didn’t do this or that or whatever.
Way more than I should have but I just couldn’t seem to stop. He said he was
sorry, I said I know and I headed to bed.
I laid there unable to sleep still hearing my ministers
message in my head, you may be the only bible someone reads today, I was ready
to start my week with this focus. Then it hit me this isn’t just for the people
outside of my home…I have two pairs of very young eyes that watch every move I make
and can tell when mommy is frustrated. If I want them to love the Lord with all
their hearts and lead their lives in a way that shows it, I cannot have the do
as I say don’t do as I do attitude. I can’t just be the bible outside of our
house I have to be that at home as well, they read me more than they read
anything else. Even in the moments of frustration I have to try to show patience,
kindness and understanding. In the moments of heartache, I have to show them
strength. In the moments of joy and celebration I have to show them humility
and happiness. Will I be perfect; no. Will I stumble will I even fall; of
course. But if I don’t the rest of the world isn’t out there doing it for me.
So why open my book today for you guys. Being a wife and a
mother is the biggest blessing the Lord has bestowed upon me and I am
determined to show each day how thankful I am for this. I have the most important
job in the world in teaching my children to be the best people they can be. But
that starts with me. I guess for me my biggest reason is I need to be real I need
to put this out there I need to express my feeling and I need others to know I will
struggle but I am doing my best. I want other wife’s and moms to see this to
feel this to know it is ok to have to shake it off, restart, and refocus because
those little eyes are watching and reading the bible you are showing them.
Thanks for listening and I hope each of you can take
something from this. And this morning I woke the hubs up early (I know he was
happy) to say I was sorry for being short, and playing the blame game. That I wanted
to be better not just for me but for him and our two little stinks. He answered
you are better each day. There are many reasons I love this man.
